creative writing workshop: critiques

what i liked about the fiction:

• she had a good idea and nice flow of story line.
• the words that she uses is simple and understandable.
• the language that she is understandable.
• there is a suspension in her fiction where she tries to deliver.
• good quality of writing which impressed me.

what i would her to improve on :

• certain words that she uses doesn't make sense in some of the sentences.she can use some other words other than that to replace it.
• she brings out new line of idea when she didn't even state the reason for the first incident.
• even when there is a suspension in her fiction but i couldn't get what she is trying to say because she break into another suspension while explaining the first suspension.